I had been having some dizzy spells accompanied by shortness of breath, and my doctor was concerned. For some reason she is committed to making me live past 90. So she ordered several tests: blood work, bone density, chest X-ray and 3 heart tests. It seemed that I would have no time for anything fun. But she said that several of the tests could be done at a lab nearby, and the 3 heart tests would be really exciting – at a brand new heart centre.

My heart appointments started at 9:15, and I didn’t want to be late for this exciting adventure. So I set my alarm, threw on “comfortable clothes” as requested, and set off to One Heart Care. There was no traffic and I sailed through every intersection on green lights. I arrived at 8:30. There was no Timmy’s nearby so I figured I might as well go inside to wait.

But there was no waiting – I was checked in and given a map of the facility, with the locations of my 3 appointments. I only waited about 10 minutes for my first test – an echocardiogram. This is the test where the technician rubs freezing cold gel all over the chest and then drives a probe all over the gel racecourse making lots of forwards and backwards moves, sudden stops and turns. After what seemed like a marathon, the technician said the pictures weren’t bright enough. I offered her my phone but she declined and said she needed to add some little lights to my blood stream. Then she was at it again, around and around, up and down. Stop.

After I wiped the gel off and got re-dressed, I was directed to my next test – the stress test. I was not looking forward to this one – the one with the treadmill that speeds up as it rises into the air. I was sure I was going to become breathless and dizzy – the problems I came to get fixed in the first place. But the technician was very sympathetic and told me to just concentrate on the lovely scenery out the window, which happened to be a highway with hardly any traffic.

So I persevered. The treadmill and I got faster and higher and faster and higher – until I passed. Not passed out – passed! Yea! I got to sit down for a bit and drink some water. Then I moved on to the final appointment, with the heart monitor. I had heard this one had jewelry.

Some jewelry. I got decorated with 5 different electrode patches in lovely shades of green, red, black, brown and white, all attached to wires which fed the monitor with heart data. The monitor was placed in a small pouch in light blue. It could go around my neck or in my pocket, and was to be worn for 3 days straight. I even got to wear it in bed. But no showers or I might electrocute myself.

Back at home, I was decorated and dirty for 72 hours. The patches got itchy. I was scared to death of electrocution. At night I had to wear pants with big pockets so the monitor wouldn’t fly around and hit me in the face when I rolled over. My dirty hair – well I am not going to show you any pictures of that.

All in all, though, I was impressed with the way our health care dollars were spent on this facility. One-stop shopping for the heart is a valuable asset, especially for seniors. I’m going back there next week to meet a cardiologist. I’m sure he’ll be nice, but I hope he doesn’t want to become best friends.

Sue

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