Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden

For the entire month of April, folks were salivating about getting out on the GOLF course. We women especially were anxious to escape from our expanded Covid kitchen duties. A day off from kneading bread dough. Yea!

Chasing a little ball along some fairways, over a few hills, through a couple of sand traps, and around a few water hazards seems like FUN! We can easily get in our 10,000 steps as we enjoy the outdoors. Even physical distancing still allows us to chat, exchange family news and gossip, share a few jokes, as we walk. We can admire the landscaping too and get some planting ideas for our gardens.

We also have lunch together in the new Covid style. Since there’s no restaurant service in the clubhouse, we bring along food; bananas and granola bars are the best because they don’t require plates or forks. As for the “dining room,” it’s standing room only while we wait for our turn to hit the ball on the 10th tee. It’s only half-way through the game, but we are starving because at home we would have eaten several entire meals by now as we puttered around in the kitchen.

The actual game of golf is a little easier these days with the new Covid rules. There are no rakes in the sand traps for people to touch and inadvertently share germs. No raking required. And the hole on the green is filled with a pool noodle so that it’s not necessary to remove the flag, another way to prevent the spread of germs. All a player has to do is hit the noodle with the ball and Pretend it went into the hole!

One thing players are definitely Not supposed to do is go searching in the bushes for lost balls; first of all because our stalling will allow other players to catch up and breathe on us. But more important, there might be Covid germs on the lost ball from its original owner. But just tell that to a man. Really, did you ever see a man walk by a patch of rough grass without looking in there for lost balls? Never. Except Alan Shepard. When he went to the moon to play golf in 1971, he took two balls with him so he didn’t have to hunt for his lost one.

You don’t need to know too much terminology to play golf. “Fore” is a handy word you can yell if your ball decides to take a short-cut to another fairway with people on it. Golf balls seem to have minds of their own. Just try yelling “Stop!” or “Slow down!” or “Don’t Go Into That sand Trap!” and see if your ball pays any attention.

You do need to know your avian creatures to keep score in golf. You might be lucky to score a birdie or an eagle, but you will hardly ever get an albatross. Golf books also talk about ostriches and condors but they are rare birds indeed. Sometimes, even on a city course, you might get a goose. You just load it onto your cart and take it home to cook for dinner. After a short break in the outdoors, it’s back to the kitchen again.

Sue