Combed-over Clown

As the US inauguration stares us in the face, I am torn. It will be wonderful to have a new leader in charge of our neighbours’ government. But what are we going to do without all that fun?

Our American friends have been our closest allies for years, decades, even centuries. Apart from our jibes about them: going back to the buffet table too many times, spelling words incorrectly (without the “u”), and having to choose between replacing the left knee or the right because they can’t afford both, we have sincerely appreciated their loyalty to democratic principles. And their warm southern weather.

Their newly (and fairly) elected president, Joe Biden, is right up our alley. He’s smart and principled. Although he is likely going to nix the Keystone XL Pipeline agreement, he has a wealth of foreign policy experience, and is respected on the world stage. He values climate change. He is going after Covid. Having suffered through 2 family crises, he has learned compassion and empathy. He is our (Canadian) kind of guy.

But that other one who is leaving, well that clown has kept us entertained for 4 years. Aside from the usual terms of endearment he has earned, such as sociopath, serial rapist, chronic liar and shameless braggart, he has been called other, more picturesque names, most recently in an article in the UK Guardian. Some of these I had to look up in a dictionary! How about combed-over cartoon character, opportunistic grifter, deceitful toad, quisling (traitor), effluvium discharge (waste), and orange blobulator (not even IN the dictionary)? You probably have your favourites too.

Articles are coming at us fast and furiously as the end draws near. According to recent research, the clown’s vocabulary consists of approximately 20 words, plus a few prepositions. He chooses win, smart, tough, amazing, tremendous, and terrific for himself, and weak, stupid, BAD, loser, dangerous, and drain the swamp for his enemies. Listening to a Trump speech is like listening to a 6-year-old. When confronted, he says “I know words. I have the Best words!” But only 20.

There were several situations where he stumbled over words larger than 2 syllables. Take Venezuela; that he called Venewayless. Or “origins” that came out as “oranges.” Or Thailand that became Thighland. Or the time he was explaining to his base that uranium, which he actually pronounced correctly, “did bad things, very bad things.” Things too difficult to explain with only 20 words.

Stories about the clown’s geographical, historical and scientific mistakes abound. Remember the time he re-drew the map of Alabama to include a hurricane that he had mistakenly predicted? How about the time he bragged about his planned border wall between Mexico and Colorado? Or when he visited Pearl Harbor and had to ask an aide to tell him “What exactly happened here?” Or when he contradicted science by suggesting that Covid could be cured with bleach injections?

This stuff is pure comedy. Even Saturday Night Live took this material and created incredible sketches with it. We entertained ourselves with Trumpisms for 4 years. It was all so funny.

Except that it wasn’t. It was pure evil, coming from a place of greed, lies, narcissism, self-promotion, and finally treason. He’s a president who, despite daily Covid death tolls of over 3,000 Americans, and now insurrections predicted in all 50 state capitals, despite all that, is planning for a final celebratory take-off; with a red carpet, and a 21-gun salute, as he rises in the air like some god.

Maybe we won’t miss that fun after all.

Sue