Nailed It!

This is not meant to be a medical blog. Who would want to get up early on a Tuesday morning and read about that? But I do seem to be spending a lot of time these days on medical issues.

My hours are often filled with tasks like taking pills, doing exercises, having blood tests, chopping vegetables to make a healthy salad, visiting the dentist to fit a new mouth guard. Even meeting friends for coffee often turns into a discussion about the latest remedy for insomnia, or scientific research about the perils of drinking too much wine, (although one friend recently made me promise that if anything to do with bowels came up in our conversation, we should immediately go out and shoot ourselves).

With all this medical stuff going on, there is hardly any time left for living! Which is why I was devastated the other day when the big toe on my left foot began to throb. Oh no – what new tragedy was looming on the horizon? Would I soon be unable to walk? How would I manage life in a wheelchair? “Slow down,” I told myself. I have had similar warning signs come up before, only to have them turn into nothing much.

A few weeks ago, when I was curling, I heard a funny knocking sound in my hip and my left leg almost gave out. I hobbled to a nearby bench and sat out the rest of the game. That night, as I lay awake in pain, I wondered if my curling life was over? But an x-ray showed only some mild arthritis. All I had to do was several excruciating exercises 3 times a day. Almost Easy. Another time my vision became blurry and I thought I was going blind. In a panic I went to the optometrist who exclaimed, “My goodness, the surface coating on these glasses is really scratched and worn off. It’s a wonder you can see at all!”

But let’s face it, we aren’t getting any younger and one of these days that tiny issue will become the Big One This is what I worried about as I gingerly put a sock on my sore foot and tried to stand up. Ouch! So I turned to the internet or, as many call it, “Doctor Google.” There I found a myriad of possible causes: gout, osteoarthritis, bad circulation. The last one was what killed my dad 30 years ago. This scary list was definitely Not helpful!

Not knowing what to do next, I went for a pedicure. At least, I thought, if my feet were going to be examined by a medical expert, they’d better be good to look at. As the pedicurist was cleaning my sore toe, I felt a sharp pain and flinched. She said, “Wow this ingrown toenail is pretty deep.” Did I hear that correctly? Although I have never had this condition before, I have head jokes people make about it. I believe they are referring to the term “hyperbole.” YES!! I almost jumped up and hugged her.

Then I walked a couple of blocks down the street and found a podiatrist, (the proximity of services being one of the perks of living in a city). Her name was a sweet-sounding Mary Anne, but her “operating” chair looked menacing. I sat down and watched in fear as she gathered her tools – a digging drill and a huge pair of claw-like pliers. She started excavating. I tried not to scream. She held tightly onto my toe, so I wasn’t able to kick her in the face – by accident of course. It hurt a lot… but finally she called out “I got it!” I was pain-free.

So, dear readers, during these last cold, dark days of February, I wish that your medical issues will be small ones too.

Sue

PS No pictures of my foot – you wouldn’t want to look at that early in the morning either.