The Dress

I was going to entertain you with more stories about using one arm to navigate my daily life after my recent fall. But today I managed to put on my socks by myself, so I have moved on to greater challenges. Such as online shopping.

Peter and I ventured into this new world, along with many other people, during the Pandemic. One day in 2020, after we had watched about 8 movies in a row, I looked down to see that we had no coffee table. We were using a footstool instead, and there was no safe place to set down my coffee. Since flyers had been outlawed as germ carriers, I scrolled through several websites for a new coffee table. I found the perfect one: shiny black shelves separated with silver tubing.

The table arrive a couple of weeks later. We wiped down the box and all the parts with sanitizer. Then we spent a few busy hours trying to assemble it. Of course the silver tubing pieces were not all the same length; a feature not obvious to the naked eye. Finally we figured it all out and gave each other a big high five. It had been a fun afternoon and the time had flown by. What else could we order that would give us some pleasure?

I wasn’t as adventurous during the next few years. I ordered some books from Indigo that came as described, and a few joke stocking stuffers for kids who have everything. Mostly I just began shopping at stores again. We have a lot of them in our neighbourhood, from bargain basement to high end, and everything in between.

Then one time last year we visited our son and his family in New York for a few days. On the first evening as we were coming in from a restaurant, our grandson Ben asked if we wanted to see the parcel room. We hesitated – what could be so great about a parcel room? But it was Ben asking and we said yes.

The parcel room attendant welcomed Ben with a big “How ya doin, Ben? I got lots a stuff for ya tonight.” He loaded Ben up with packages and we carried the leftovers. In the apartment, Ben began unwrapping. “This one’s makeup stuff for Mommy. This other package is electronic. It must be for Dad. This little box is poop bags. I guess it’s for Toby (giggle giggle). And this last one must be for me. What – underwear? Dang!”

The same process went on every evening we were there. It got me thinking. If New Yorkers could do all their shopping online, why couldn’t we? So, when I found myself with one arm and no suitable clothes, I headed back into the wild web.

I was looking in particular for a dress that I could step into. I wanted one with big pocket for carrying things around the house. I needed mid-length sleeves to cover up my bruises. And I was searching for a colour to match a large shawl that could serve as a jacket. I found the perfect dress and ordered it on the spot. A short time later a package was delivered. The moment had arrived.

The first problem I noticed was that the dress was not the colour I had imagined, and the fabric was wrinkly. Then I checked the pockets and discovered that they were sewn in backwards. When I tried to step into the dress, I couldn’t pull it up over my mid-section. Then I tried to pull it over my head and I got stuck part-way. I began to hyperventilate and had to call for back-up, ie Peter. He rescued me and I calmed down.

So much for online shopping. I am going to spend the rest of my recovery wearing my pajamas. If anyone with 2 functioning arms wants a bluish dress with backward pockets, let me know.

Sue